Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
