Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
