I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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