brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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