my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
