If that was your dad, he is hot
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
40s are totally the cure
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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