I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
