At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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