he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize