just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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