the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
