I bet he comes in French.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
