FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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