I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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