Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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