All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
