so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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