I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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