I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
