sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
They have beer where we have blood.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
