I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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