you would pick up someone in the library
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
