Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
