you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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