And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
