After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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