just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
