Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
