so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You ruined the universe
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
