if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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