So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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