I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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