I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
