absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
