Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
