It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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