I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Too much gin, very little bucket
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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