They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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