question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
