Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
