On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
