dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just want nice things and good sex
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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