seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Your cock deserves a montage
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
