I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So vagazzling was a success
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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