I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize