It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just got carded by a ten year old.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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