fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So many bounce houses so little time
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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