You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
