I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
