____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
