Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
