You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
