I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
