It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The beer is more important than you right now.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize