so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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