I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize