that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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