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my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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