Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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