Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
