I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
