hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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