Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
