oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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