some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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